Emeka

It was a slow day in the office, he had sent the driver to pick Toyosi up and take her to the restaurant. He would take the company car and meet her there.He had heard it was a decent place, but honestly he wasn't really hungry and he didn't feel like talking. He would prefer if they just went straight to her flat, but it was mid afternoon; her mother would be there. So lunch it was.

He had just gotten out of his chair and was heading to the door when the white phone n his desk rang, he answered it with a sigh "Nneoma," he said to his secretary, his tone impatient "I'm heading out to lunch, what is it?"
"There is a lady here," she said, her voice sounding slightly frightened and she stuttered "M-Ms. Anu B-Bakare, she says its urgent."
What the hell was Anu doing here? "Send her in." He said, he fell back into his leather seat and let his head roll back. He heard the clacking of her heels before he saw her, she didn't bother knocking before opening the frosted glass door.

"Anu," he said to her when she walked in "how far?" he raised his eyebrows and spread out his palms in a surprised gesture, he was trying to hide his annoyance. He had no idea what she was doing in his office, she had been there maybe once or twice with Roseline, but that was a long time ago.
"I dey, how are you?" she asked, it was a seemingly innocent question, but there was something in the tone of her voice and the way she arched her brow, in her smile. Anu was one of those people that smiled when they were deeply furious, Emeka has known her long enough to know her angry smile. She was smiling her angry smile. It was a narrow eyed sneer that made her already aloof demeanor the more intimidating.
"I'm well, please sit."
"Its okay, I wont be here long I'll just stand." She stood in front of his desk with her arms folded across her chest, clicking her heel against the tiled floor. He was distracted by the sound, and when he looked down he saw that her shoes were red. Only Anu would wear red high heels in the middle of the afternoon. In fact her entire outfit was slightly provocative, the form fitting pencil skirt and revealing lace blouse were not exactly 'business casual'. But that was Anu for you, she wasn't beautiful like her sister, his wife, Roseline; no, she was enchanting. She practically oozed sex appeal, it was in her voice, her mannerisms, her dressing. His colleague's had begged to be introduced to her, so they could 'try their luck'.

He had met her first, before meeting Roseline, he had been convinced it was love at first sight. she had just laughed, they were friends she had said, the kind of friends that didn't cross those lines. Then she had introduced him to her sister, and he knew that what he thought he felt for Anu was child's play compared to how absolutely devoted he was to Roseline. But that was a long time ago.

"What is it Anu? Why are you here?" He was not in the mood to humor her. Her smile faded and her nonchalant facade slipped and she let her anger show. She swallowed before speaking and her voice was slightly shaky "So," she said, her voice low "my sisters and I went for a wedding last weekend, Roseline most have told you about it." she sniffed and rubbed the bridge of her nose before continuing " One of our cousins has 'tied the knot'. Any way I met this talented designer, gorgeous. I went to her studio today, because... well, you know me." She smiled a bitter smile "So I'm there checking out her designs, oh her name is Toyosi by the way," she mentioned, making an offhanded gesture with her hand and looking him dead in the eye "Toyosi Oshisanya, do you know her?" then before waiting for him to respond she continued with mock enthusiasm "Anyway I'm looking at her amazing designs, and guess who comes in?" again she didn't wait for him to answer "Mr. Shomolu, you know, the driver you and Roseline hired nine years ago. A year after you got married to my sister." she had completely dropped the enthusiastic act by then and her voice was shaking with anger, she had her finger pointed right in his face when she said "I warned you. I warned yo when I introduced you to her...and I thought after all that went down these past four years would have made you-" Emeka tried to interject, he tried to act confused like he did not know what she was talking about. "Don't bother denying it, don't even bother saying anything. Just fix it." She turned to leave, then turned back around to face him. Her expression had softened and in her eyes he saw sincere hurt "Emeka what happened to you? You used to have such a good heart, what happened?" he had nothing to say, so he just looked away "I mean, I know you guys have been through a lot, nothings perfect...but Roseline doesn't deserve this." she stood and looked at him for a moment, then she stomped out of his office, her red heels clack clacking, practically leaving a trail of fire behind her.
----
Emeka had been sitting in his chair with his head buried in his hands for the last half hour, thinking. She knew, Anu knew about his affair. She wasn't asking him, or seeking to confirm any suspicions, she was just letting him know that she knew. What now? Would she tell Roseline? Should he tell? How? Wait...Roseline. His thoughts went to Roseline, patient enduring Roseline. Roseline and her quick smile. He said her name over and over in a voice barely louder than a whisper. He needed to see her, to tell her. Anu was right, his wife deserved so much more than he had been giving. But...what he did, what he had been doing was unforgivable. What was he looking to get out of telling her? There, he was doing it again, making it about himself. What was he looking to get...But this wasn't even about him. This was about Roseline, his wife, whom he loved with all that he was, underneath all the pride and selfishness.But...shit. He had to tell her. How come it had not occurred to him that he would eventually have to end the affair and go back home? How had he been so foolish?

He got out of his seat and frantically searched his cluttered desk for his car keys. The driver, Shomolu, had them, where the hell was he? Whatever, he would have to take a company car home. He wasn't sure why he was in such a hurry, but he couldn't shake the sense of urgency that gripped his entire body. He had made up his mind, he would savor the last few seconds he could before telling her. She deserved to know, if nothing else, she deserved the truth.

He rushed out of the office and into the car and drove with such speed that he nearly ran over and killed s few Okada riders and a couple pedestrians.

----

Every place in the house held shadows of their cracked marriage; the corner, next to the marble stairs was where he had come home to find Roseline, curled up into a fetal position, groaning in pain. That was the first time. She had not even known she was pregnant, it was only a month and a half old,so somehow it wasn't to hard to swallow. The second and third times weren't to easy too take. Those times she had known, and barely three months after conception, she had woken him up with her screams. She would be laying in blood soaked sheets and he knew that it wasn't the intensely painful cramps that made her cry out, it was the deep hurt of their most recent loss.

After that, they had been careful, they had tried not to conceive. In fact they had gone out of their way to make sure they would not conceive another child that wouldn't stay. The child came anyway. And just as they had feared it left them in a small pool of blood on the white floor tiles in the bathroom, only five months later.The different doctors they had gone to had told them nothing useful, they couldn't figure out what was wrong. "Freak accident" one of them had said "These things happen"; Emeka would have cracked the man's jaw if Roseline hadn't being there.

Roseline sunk into a deep depression, receding rapidly into her self. She cried more than she spoke. "My babies don't want me." was most of what she said between sobs and spells of restless silence. She was unable to go back to work. Everything hurt, she said, everything.She became a shell of what she used to be, a brittle hollow shell. And Emeka hated himself for not being able to protect her and all their 'potential' babies, he could not get over the fact that there was nothing he could have done to fix the situation. He felt useless. All of his money couldn't buy away the agony that crawled its way deep into his wife. He felt the pain too, but he knew that his was not as acute as Roseline's and that made it worse; he knew he could never understand her agony. And that separated them.

Anu had been very helpful, she stayed home with Roseline while Emeka was at work. He didn't mean to be callous, but he began to dread going home, it only filled him with guilt and a deep sense of failure. So he worked longer hours, came home when he was sure they' d be asleep.

He was so disgusted with himself, he could barely look at his reflection in the mirror.

It was in those hard painful times that he met Toyosi. They had gone to University together, but they hadn't been very close. Friends of friends, that's all they were.
She invited him to her studio, she had just recently quit her job as a banker and was pouring all her resources into new career as a designer. She needed investors an he could invest. So he did. He was eager to be useful.

The first night they spent together was a drunken accident. Emeka had stumbled out of Toyosi's bed cursing and apologizing "I have a wife," he has said, over and over.
The second, third, fourth and fifth times were not so accidental and they had both been stone sober. Toyosi was a delicious distraction from the gloom that clouded his house. Their relationship was flat, but satisfying-at least for him. She talked a lot, so he pretended to listen a lot. It was a constant battle to keep his thoughts from wondering to his wife, so he let himself be amused by her, he let her laughter infect him.

When Rosleine began heal and her smiles came more frequently, Emeka was a year deep in his affair and he couldn't look his wife in the face. He couldn't say her name, or think of her for too long. He feared that the guilt of his betrayal would manifest itself in form of madness, or blindness, or.....
It would be too heavy for his heart to contain. So he separated himself. He would be Roseline's Emeka and the Emeka that slept with Toyosi. The problem was that Rosleine's Emeka was not him. Roseline's Emeka was hurting her.He would never forgive himself, so he could not accept her forgiveness.
----
Anu wouldn't have told her, she wouldn't make it that easy for him. He walked up the stairs, slowly; he didn't know what he was going to say or how he was going to say it but...
His heart rate picked up, how would he face her? how would he look at her? He hadn't really looked at her this past year, he couldn't bare too do it.
He walked passed the guest room and stopped at the entrance of their bedroom which he had not slept in for months. He stood at the open door, looking into the room, quietly watching as Roseline rifled through her closet. She was wearing an over sized t-shirt and orange striped panties but she looked so perfect, she had just gotten her hair done and the braids fell across her back beautifully.
"Roseline," he said and she looked up startled and nearly dropped the wooden clothes hanger she was holding.
She started to smile and then stopped, a look of surprise molding her face into a question mark. He hadn't called her, as in spoken her name to her, in such a long time. Of course she was confused.
"Emeka are you alright?" she asked, her eyebrows folding into a slight frown. She tossed the hanger on the bed and took a slow step towards him. He shook his head and placed a hand up for her to stop. He did not want her to come any closer to him, he did not want her to move for him or do anything with him in mind. He wasn't worth it, he didn't deserve a thought from her. He knew this now.
"Roseline," he said again, by then his voice was cracking from the weight of what he was about to tell her. He had his fists clenched into tight balls at his side, he sniffed "I...I have something to tell you," he said, his voice low.
"Oh God, Emeka you're scaring me what is it?" Roseline said, her frown deepening as she shook her head in alarm.
"No, please, don't be scared, just...just listen." He felt his heart slamming inside his chest, as if it were struggling to free itself. He tried not to look at her, He did not want to see her and be reminded of his deep loss. But he couldn't help it, she was all that was there. He gave up and took her in with his eyes, her full figure that was evident even in the over sized T-shirt, he noticed that it was his shirt; an old yellow T-shirt with the word 'Oops' written across the front in navy blue letters. The yellow complimented her deep bronze complexion, he had told her many times, how he loved her complexion, her skin. Skin that scarred so easily. He looked at her bare legs, at the long scar on her upper right thigh. He was responsible for that scar, he had knocked the hot pressing iron over, it had brushed her thigh as it fell to the floor.
His eyes wandered and stopped on her face, her lips were set in a slight pout and her eyes were wide as ever and full of worry and fear. She hadn't stopped frowning, but even with the lines on her forehead, she was still so beautiful. And he could not believe how he could have betrayed someone so perfect.
"Roseline, I'm so sorry," he began to say, his voice was full of the pain of the emotions he had ignored for the last two years. "I've done you so wrong," he had his hands held out, with his palms open and facing upwards. "I've, I...I've been..." he quickly placed a hand over his mouth, he knew that once the words came out it would be done, everything between them would be over. He couldn't bare to lose her, but she deserved so much more than he had been giving.