Banke

She had two choices, technically.

But really, she only had one.

Everything she thought she was, everything she would have told you she believed in was being made void by what she had chosen to do. She was making herself a hypocrite, she thought, as she sat with her knees drawn up to her chest in the waiting room.

Two semesters ago, she had written a twenty page paper for her Women's Studies class; it was a research paper discussing pro-life feminism and all the reasons the need for a pro-choice movement was actually a reflection of the sexism in society that forced women to choose.

None of that mattered now.

She would not think of her mother, or of Eniola, or of her body.

She was separating herself from her body, becasue what was about to happen was not happening to her. It couldn't be happening to her. It was not her.

It was a story of a girl, a stupid girl and she was only watching it, sitting on the couch in her flat while Eniola made Indomie in the kitchen.

She could smell it, already she knew it would be delicious, because Eniola always made it with onions and peppers and a little bit of dried crayfish.

She could't wait to eat it; she would lean back in the couch with the hot bowl of spicy noodles in her lap and a bottle of ice cold coke. A glass bottle, like in Lagos.

And she and Eniola would shake their heads in sympathy and sigh 'eeyah' as they watched the stupid girl make another stupid choice.

---

"I did it." She whispered into the phone, she was sitting on the carpeted floor of her bedroom, her back leaning against her bed. She had been sitting that way for almost two hours before she decided to call Eniola.

"Did what?...wait, you didn't," Eniola's soft voice floated back to her through the receiver. She couldn't make out what the tone in her voice meant.

"Why do you sound like that?" She meant it as a sincere question, but it came out sounding a blittle like an accusation.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know, I just didn't know what..." her voice was cracking and she sounded like she was beginning to cry. "Banke I'm so sorry. How are you? I mean how are you feeling?"

"I don't know." Banke's tone was flat, she didn't mean to sound mechanical, but she couldn't seem to help it. "Flat." she said.

"Flat?" Eniola repeated"What do you mean? Do you want me to come and see you? I'll come, I'll go online now and buy a tick-"

"No," Banke said cutting her off "I'd rather come to your end if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind! Please come!"

---

It was true, she felt flat. Flat and void. The doctor had given her a small orange container of painkillers but that was it.

She went in, they gave her a white paper gown to change into, aneasthized her and did what they did. And it was gone.

And she felt flat.

She thought she'd be relieved, but the weight that had found its way into her chest when she found out she was pregnant seemed to have invited all its cousins. It didn't go like she hoped, the fear and anxiety only seemed to morph into one unidentifiable flat heavy thing in her chest.

The four hour train ride to Eniola's end of the state was spent staring out of the window at the trees that seemed to be rushing passed.

She couldn't eat anything, she had tried, but nothing stayed down.

So all she had had in the last three days was water and the last botle of Ribena; which she had been saving.

She spotted Eniola as soon as she stepped out of the station, she was leaning against an old looking white car talking to a tall white boy who Banke recognized as her boyfriend Ephraim.

As soon as she spotted her, Banke saw her mouth unfurl into a tentative smile, she rushed towards her and Banke saw that her eyes oozed concern. And Banke couldn't take it.

"How was the train?" Eniola asked taking Banke's heavy Duffle bag which Ephraim took from her and lugged over his shoulder.

"Alright, I guess." She responded, she managed a small smile and shrugged.

"Hey," Ephraim said with a smile.

"Ephraim, how far, how've you been?" She asked him

"Good, good just school and stuff. You?"

"Same." She knew that he most likely knew why she was coming to visit in the middle of the semester, less than three weeks after Eniola had gone to see her.

He was just being a gentleman and not letting her know that he knew. He probably knew, Eniola probably told him. She didn't really care.

Banji

Lagos is a wild animal.

And Banji has missed everything about it.

But he would leave in a heartbeat.

He would have taken that contract too, the architectural contract for a greenspace on his old college campus in Ottawa. A good acquintance he had made; an old college professor from his first year Structural Systems class, had hooked up his firm with the contract specifically mentioning that Banji's expertise would be highly apreciated. But he had to turn it down, allowing his partners in Canada captain the project instead.

Why?

Because of Mumsie, after all the woman had been through with that bastard of a husband; his father. The useless man had finally died and now she had to deal with property disputes with his three other wives. So he was staying to make sure that she got her fair share of the Banjoko estate, he had hired his friend Junior as their lawyer.

He had been back almost two months and had been consumed almost completely with work. He figured that while he was in Lagos indefinitley, he might as well try to set up shop, meeting up with and talking to different pontential investors interested in setting up a Lagos branch of the architectural firm of which he was a partner. He had quickly fallen into a routine; wake up, eat, drive Mumsie to check up on her shops in Island Mall, work, eat, meet with one of his many half siblings or Junior for drinks, work, eat with Mumsie, sleep, wake up.

He would have been bored, if it had not being for the unreliability of everything in Lagos. Lagos is a wild animal, hungry and unpredictable and if it isn't NEPA or obscene dieseil and petrol prices, or maddening traffic, or housegirl and gateman palava, it is his mother harrasing him about being to thin.

Ofcourse he was thin, he was already stressed, but he wouldn't have it anyother way, he was a bit of a workaholic.

Then there was Anu, he had thought about her a few times in the last five years, but they were passing thougts, memories of alnighters they had pulled in the library together or parties they had crashed triggered by old songs or pictures. He hadn't actually thought of her face or the way she looked, just the things she said, or colors and scents he asociated with her, But then he had seen her at Junior's father's thing and she even though she looked a bit different- she was rounder, thicker, that dress she wore; she filled very nicely- the way her smile unfurled when she saw him, the feeling he got, the way the air around her carried her scent, the same scent, the look on her face. Exactly the same as he remembered.

The had talked, leaning against the fence, while she and Junior shared a cigarette. They had talked baout nothing really, just the usual what have you been up to? You haven't changed at all. So you're back to LasGidi abi? Welcome home, welcome home.

Eniola and Ephraim

"So what are you guys watching?" Jules asked, her voice much louder than it needed to be at two am on a wednesday morning. She tripped over the chair by the suite door, but caught herself before falling. She was drunk. Her boyfriend person, Andy, walked in after her "You're so wasted." he said laughing so hard he hiccuped. He was also drunk. They stumbled into the room and fell on to the dirty orange futon.

"What are you guys watching?" she asked again.

"Family guy" Eniola responded without taking her eyes off the television screen. Ephraim who had been dozing off with his head on her lap jerked up suddenly "Wha...?" he asked, confused.

She always thought it was funny how he could sleep through loud obnxoious music or even loud obnoxious Jules, but all she had to do was hum and he would wake up.

"Nothing." she said and he laid back down mumbling something about the time.

"Oh yeah? Wait I've seen this episode, its hilarious." Andy said, also much louder than he needed to.

"Dude all Family Guy episodes are hilarious" Jules yelled back "Eni, Eni do you know what we should watch? Futurama! Lets watch Futurama!"

"Actually, I think we're just going to go to bed." Eniola said gently getting up to stretch so that Ephraim's head rolled off her lap and he woke up again.

"Ok, we'll be out here then."

Everyone seemed to be bent on annoying her today, Eniola thought as she undressed for bed. Ephraim was already knocked out with his head tucked under a pillow; he had gotten high with some old freinds before coming to get her from the train station that evening. Camille, one of Ephraim's friends had come with him, and as soon as he opened his mouth after Ephraim introduced him, Eniola knew she wouldn't like him.

"Eni Ola," he had broken her names into two syllables and everything he said after that, in Eniola's opinion, was one; a clear indicator that he was high out of his mand and two; horse shit.

"There is no distance between," he started to say as they walked towards the bus stop "I mean, we have distance between us in corporeal existance; but in, but temporally we are one singular entity travelling through time." Ephraim was almost doubled over laughing, sputtering something about Camille being an experimental physicist. That was him when he smoked, ticklish and tired; he laughed at every little thing and fell asleep wherever he llaid his head.

"So in that entity," Camille continued and Eniola wanted to slap his scruffy bearded face. " that forced non spacial dimension there is no distance between us, we are all one singular time travelling vessel no matter whta distance between us in three dimensions may be. So therefore ultimately we are all one comglomerate piece."

When he got off the stop before theirs' Eniola was grateful that there was finally distance bewteen them, but she couldn't hide her annoyance at Ephraim whose head was resting on her shoulder and it fell forward everytime the bus stopped.

She had just crawled into narrow standard dorm sized bed, careful not to wake him up when he suddenly popped his head out from under th pillow.

"How's Banke?" he asked

"Pregnant." Eniola responded without turning to face him

"What?"

"Pregnant."

"Shit."

"Yup, goodnight."

"You're upset with me." he said placing his hand around her waist and pulling her close to mold his body against hers.

"Yeah, but you're high so I can't really talk to you."

"Sure you can," he mumbled and pleaded "don't be mad at me."

"Please just go to sleep."

"What is she going to do?"

"I don't know."

----

"I smoke," he had said cocking his head to his left side and smiling nervously. It had been the first time they were out alone.

"Aren't you learning anything in med school?" Eniola had asked, half in jest, half seriously "Cigarettes will kill you,"

"No, I don't smoke cigarettes..." he raised his eyebrows so that lines formed on his forehead. He was trying not to make the conversation heavier than necessary, but he wanted to tell her everything, in little bits, but everything eventually. He wanted to start out honest.

"I don't know," he said "I just wanted you to know, I know its kinds random but, I just thought, you know, I don't want you to think I'm this straight edge type guy, a lot of people seem to have that idea and...I don't know..." he was trying to read her expression, she was frowning a little and chewing on her bottom lip, she met his eyes

"Wait, so what do you smoke?" she put her palm up as if to stop him "wait, like crack?"

"Yes, exactly.No."he started laughing, he has his spread open and facing upwards and he was shaking his head "What the hell kind of person do you think I am?"

"I don't know," Eniola said laughing with him, his laughter was contagious "I don't know what you do" She was playing, they were laughing, it was good.

"Pot," he finally said "I occasionally smoke a little pot." Eniola was silent. She was eating and she looked as him while she chewed; considering what he said, considering him.

"I just wanted you to know, I know its random...but I like you, I just...I don't know."

"Well I haven't told you mine."

"Your what?"

"You know, my thing, you told me you're a pothead-"

"I am not a pothead"

"Whatever, you told me your own thing, so I have to tell you mine before you can decide that you like me."

"I don't care,"

"Let me say it,"

"Okay what?"

"I've never dated anyone before"

"So I'll be your first boyfriend?"

"What? No one said you were my boyfriend"

"Whatever. you know you want me."

"You wish."

"Seriously though,"

"What?"

"I really do like you."

"Okay"

"Okay?" he shook his head "Okay what?"

"Okay, I hear you."

Anu

"You knew."

It was not a question, so she did not need to lie; she would not have lied anyway.

But it was not a question, it was a statement and it did not require a response.

Roseline was sitting on the tall kitchen stool by the window, she was looking outside with her back turned to Anu. It was a small kitchen with a big window overlooking the palm trees that shaded the entrance to the boys quarters.

"Everybody knew abi?" she asked, her tone was flat, but her voice was cracked.

"Everybody didn't..." Anu responded "Rose." She called out, but her sister did not respond "I just found out, I just found out today."

"How?" Roseline asked, still looking out the window.

"It was random, I wa-"

"Is she beautiful?"

"No..." Toyosi; the woman they were talking about was not unattractive but Roseline did not need to know that "she's thin." Anu finally said with an over exaggerated frown.

Roseline looked down at herself, rubbed the sides of her jean clad thighs she gave a small smile "I'm not, maybe Emeka likes thin now, you know. Like models..." she looked back at her sister

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm not," Anu said wiping her eyes with the back of her wrist "its the onions."

"What's her name?"

"I don't think it matters Rose."

"Is she one of your... friends...?" She laughed all bitter, almost like it was funny.

"She's not my friend."

"Then why do you know her?" Roseline's tone changed and her voice was raised in anger "Why do you know that she is thin, why do you know and I don't?" she was not smiling any more and there was no trace of laughter left in her voice.

She had gotten up from the stool and she was standing, facing her sister with her arms crossed over her chest and her eyebrows raised.

Anu looked back at her for a moment, then she place the knife she was using down on the cutting board.

"Roseline," she began "I don't know what to tell you, except that you first need to figure out what you want. Then you and Emeka need to...figure out what you're going to do..." She looked down at her hands and looked up again "In the mean time, you can vent all you want, but don't take it out on me, okay?"

Roseline started to say something, but the shrill ringing of Anu's phone sounded before any words came out.

"Hello," Anu said into the shiny black receiver, she looked up at Roseline "Its Emeka," she said "do you want to take it?"

"No"

"Emeka, she doesn't want to talk to you." She hung up, ran some water over her hands and tossed the chopped onions in a hot pan on the stove top.

"Did you take the fish out to thaw?" She asked Rosleine.

---------

"So do you want to go?" Anu asked her sister Roseline. They were in the spacious parlor of the Anu's flat, Roseline was sprawled across the floor, her head resting on a kente covered throw pillow.

After Rosleine moved out, Anu had redecorated, covered all the florally printed throw pillows with colorful batik fabric, Kente cloth, Ankara, Adire. She replaced the generic flower pictures on the walls with mud clothe and Aso oke tapestries and paintings and sculptures from an artist that displayed his work by the side of the road in Ikoyi.

"You've turned this place into a shrine." Roseline had said.

"Go where?" Roseline asked in response, without looking away from the television screen where the characters of Papa Ajasco were being as idiotic as always.

"Uncle Femi, Daddy's partners sixtieth,"

"Oh...ok." she looked at Anu "I need to see daddy anyways, did you tell him?"

"At all, the party is tonight o,"

"Ok..." she said with no enthusiasm what so ever.

"Roseline, we don't have to go, I'll stay in with you."

"No no," she shook her head and tried to smile, she swallowed "I need to see daddy...plus I haven't left this flat in nearly two weeks."

---------

The evening was warm, the party was good. It was held outside, in big open courtyard of the Continental Hotel on the island. A green mesh wire fence separated the party from the ocean and the soft breeze carried the salty air passed Anu where she stood smoking. She was leaning against the fence and blowing smoke through the diamond shaped holes the green wires made as they linked.

She was keeping her eye on her father and sisters where they sat under the white canopy. Adeife her youngest sister, had her chin resting on her palm and she was looking intently at Roseline; who was trying too hard to seem happy, trying not to cry. Their father was completely distracted by the dancers that accompanied the live band; Anu was swaying where she stood, to the Afro beat.

"Miss Bakare has come again," she turned around quickly to see the owner of the voice.

"Junior," she smiled "you scared me jo." It was her old friend, their fathers worked together.

"Is your father enjoying his party?" she asked

*"It looks like it, he's already nice." he responded, Anu scanned the the cluster of small white canopies until she spotted his father in a gold embroidered white Agbada; he did look a little drunk.

"Babe, please loan me a fag." Junior said rubbing his forehead.

"Junior we're in Lagos, please don't call my cigarettes fags." She held the pack of Malboros open and he took one and lit it against the tip of hers.

"Jo file, let me blow on my fag in peace." She gave him a look of mock bewilderment and they both burst out in laughter.

They were still laughing when Junior motioned with his hand for someone to join them. "Banji!" he called out "Na here I dey."

A lean man in a green linen kaftan walked up to them, he was holding a half empty bottle of Guinness .He started to say something but then he looked towards Anu and blinked in surprise, he squinted and leaned back to get a better look.

"Bakare?" he asked, he started to smile then he stopped "Are you...?"

Anu looked at him for a brief moment, then her lips curved up in a big smile, she shouted "Na lie, Banji Ogunmoye, what are you doing here?"

"I take am say una sabi each other?" Junior said, amusedly looking from Anu to Banji and back

"I follow dis babe go uni for Toronto na," he threw his head back and laughed a deep stomach laugh "small world, small world." he said.

"Wait, how do you guys know each other?" she asked throwing her cigarette stub through a hole in the fence, into the ocean.

"Secondary school." Banji responded, still smiling "Wow, you were the last person I expected to see today Anu."

Toyosi

Emeka had not shown up at the restaurant; she had waited there for over two hours. She had called his mobile phone, she had asked his driver Shomolu to call his mobile phone. Nothing.

"Shomolu where your oga dey?" she had asked the driver, but he did not know. Stupid, useless man.

He had not called her back, it had been over a week and he still had not called. There was no excuse he could give that would be good enough, nothing he could say, except, maybe he died or something. But she was sure he was not dead, she would have heard about it somehow.

She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes every time her phone rang and it was not Emeka calling; which was every time. She had a lot of work to do, she was getting more customers than she could handle. The last thing she needed was to be thinking about one useless married man.

But he was not useless, this was Emeka for god's sake!

Why the hell was he avoiding her? He stood her up-he was the one that asked her to lunch that day, he even sent his driver to pick her up-why would he suddenly just...you know what? She would not be bothered, she would focus on her work, go over the patterns for the bridesmaids dresses she was supposed to be designing. It needed a lot of revamping, she was pretty excited about it actually, very impressed that the bride wanted a 'native' theme for her 'white' wedding. That was how the woman had put it; she was a charming woman, but a little affected in the way she had constantly pat her hair with her left hand making sure her oversized engagement ring caught and reflected the light and said with a strong English accent: "I want the brides maid dresses to be made from native fabric, Woodin or some other african print fabric. I want my wedding to have a 'native' theme...". She would add beaded lace trimmings and a satin sash, make each of the dresses just a little bit different from one another. The bride-to-be had requested twenty-five dresses, so there would be twenty-five bridesmaids then. That would be one big wedding; Toyosi was not interested in having a big wedding. She wanted a very small to just over small church service and an even smaller reception; a nice dinner, live music. Just her mother and maybe five or six friends; her husbands family...her husband... God, what the hell was she doing? Where the hell was Emeka and why had he not called her?

She suddenly felt a quick burst of anger and she threw the box of pins she had been holding against the linoleum floor. The stupid plastic container did not give a loud enough crash to satisfy her annoyance as it fell against the floor, it only made her angrier. But she felt something else, she was not sure if it was shame or maybe... jealousy. If he was ignoring her, then things were probably going well with his wife. She felt as if she had not claim to the man, no right to be angry or jealous or anything at all, but...ugh!

She was not going to call again, he had ignored enough of her calls, refused to return enough of her messages; even the stupid driver was ignoring her. Enough. She was going to wait for him to come to her, he would, he always did.

Nneka

She stood in front of the door waiting for Chidinma to come and open it, she had so much to tell her! Unfortunately it was her roommate Bisi who opened the door.
"Hey, whats up? Chidinma dey?" she inquired and tried too look through the gap in the door
"No, I never see am since morning" Bisi rolled her eyes at the mess behind her " E be like say she dey rush when she commot, u wan wait am? she asked
"Yeah" she replied as she walked into the messy room
She hated coming to Chidinma's room when she wasn't around, her roommate Bisi was just not the friendliest person on earth but she decided to stay anyways.

Bisi was sitting on her bed with books all around her, madly scribbling formulas into a worn-out notebook. As far as Nneka was concerned, thats the only thing Bisi and Chidinma had in common, they were both efikos.

After waiting for more than an hour, Chidinma walked in the room.
"Ah Nneka whats up? Bisi how far?" she asked breathless from the long walk from the gate.
"hey" Bisi replied barely looking up from her books.

Nneka eyed her friend as she walked across the room, there was something quite different about her, for one thing she wouldn't look up. Although Chidinma wasn't that "bubbly-always-full-of excitement-type" she seemed down cast. Nneka decided that they needed to leave the room to talk.

"Chidinma lets go and get Sharwarma, hunger dey waya me!" As if she knew what she would say next she quicky told her that she would be paying. Chidinma changed into a pair of jeans and flip-flops and they left...

As they walked down the road, Nneka began to talk about what was going on with her. The thing was you could never directly probe into Chidinma's life, you had to open up to her, and then she might let you in. Nneka babbled on about how her boyfriend Chuks was beginning to get on her nerves with his constant nagging about how she dressed. Through out the conversation Chidinma inserted "oh's" and "Eyah's" where appropriate, it was obvious she wasn't paying much attention.
"Nneka" Chidinma said, with her voice dropping slightly at the end. "I have a problem, you know things have been rough for us since my father died" she looked at her friend square in the eye which was very unusual for chidinma
"We have used up all the money he left us and my mother's business is slow. My younger brother Junior is going to write his JSCE soon and i have used all my money to pay for his school things. I'm fed up, worried and I just dont know..."
She looked up at her friend and sighed.
Nneka did not know what to say to her friend so she opened up her arms and just gave her a hug, right in the middle of the street. And there they were, two young women embracing and crying and laughing like only adults can in the hope that maybe it would get better...

********

As they sat down to eat the sharwarma they had waited an hour for Chidinma began to tell Nneka her story.
"I don't think I have told you this before, I had a very happy childhood infact I was very content. My father was a civil servant and my mother had a provisions store, everyday after school I would go to the store and do my homework and then help my mother out. Life was simple, after my father closed work he would go and pick my brothers up from lesson and then pick me and my mother from the shop. My mother would make us dinner and we would all watch the seven o'clock news"she smiled as she said this and she seemed lost in her reminiscing.
Chidinma paused...and then her voice became choked up but it seemed like she felt a pressing need to continue, so she did. "I was in SS2 when my father died, when i got to the shop that afternoon my mother was not there, the shop wasn't even locked. I knew something was wrong. I walked from my mothers shop all the way home it took me about two hours and thirty minutes. When I got home our neighbor Alhaja as we all called her rushed up to embrace me. I was confused. She began to mumble some prayers in arabic, she was crying, I was still confused. so I started crying too. Then she said "your brothers are inside I brought them home but you must go to the hospital immediately your mother is still there, Bayo will take you."


Alhaja's oldest son Bayo, my very good friend and sort of older brother did not say a word, he did not look me in the eye as he drove fast to the teaching hospital. I felt like jumping out of the car and running, like it would get me there faster.The old daewoo was going as fast as it could go but it would never be fast enough.
When we got to the hospital the receptionist began to mumble something to me. I couldnt understand her, there was a woman wailing in the hallway, she sounded familiar yet really strange. As if in a trance I followed the sound to an open door.And there she was, my mother being held up by two nurses. Why was she screaming? "Mummy!" I shouted at her! "mummy what happened?" She looked up at me but it seemed she was looking through me and all she kept screaming was "My husband, my husband". It wasn't only my father who died that day a part of my mother died too.

Roseline

"I've been sleeping with another woman." Emeka finally said. His voice was so low, it was barely audible and his words came out so fast, they bumped into each other, the last ones beginning before the first words finished. So his statement came out like one long word "I'vebeensleepingwithanotherwoman." But she heard, because he spoke in his sleep, and they had been married long enough that she could decipher the meanings or at least the words of his mindless mumbles. So she heard.

---

The number 19 was reflecting the light that spilled in form the big arched window in the hallway. It was sparkling and the familiarity of the place startled her. She had not been back in so long, after she got married and moved out she had come to visit Anu a few times, but not recently. She looked around the hallway while she waited for Anu to open the door, she had rung the door bell twice but... she turned to face the window, the glass was spotless and she could see the palm trees across the road, swaying, swaying. She began to move her head slowly from side to side, mimicking the movement of the trees. She imagined that there was a soft breeze rushing past her ears, her eyes, bidding her head to sway like the trees. She was a palm tree, tall, untouchable...well except by palm wine tappers. Palm wine tappers could touch her and they did and lizards too, lizards and birds. So she was not untouchable. She was fooli-

"Rose?" Anu asked, shattering Roseline's reverie. Roseline faced her sister slowly and saw the puzzled expression on her face. Something must have been wrong with her face, because Anu nearly jumped when she looked at her, her eyes moved down to the suitcase and up again to Roseline's face and she moved closer to cover her sister with herself and she embraced her and comforted her until Mr.Manesh from flat 18 walked out, the smell of incense wafted out behind him. He walked to the lift with his head turned the opposite way, towards them, staring, he nearly walked into the wall.